I’ve been doing some reading, and I know.
I know I’m not supposed to put my energy in the past.
I need my energy for now and tomorrow and tomorrow’s tomorrow…

But.

I still have stuff to say.

Like how a facebook memory of you annoyed on vacation makes me miss you.

Like how I can’t believe you used to sneak out the basement door while I put the kids to sleep, run across our backyard and through the woods to steal a kiss from Heather.

Like how you texted Heather that I had “puppydog eyed” you through enough. As if I were the manipulator. As if when I was 14 you hadn’t filmed me making a silly puppy dog eye face, and then convinced me to make that same face for over 25 years.

Like how you recently texted me that you haven’t slept for more than 2 hours for the last 56 days, and I happen to have heard from our children that 56 days ago you broke up with Natasha. Or, I’m guessing, she broke up with you.
“Wow,” I texted back, “I should do my missed sleep math.” But I don’t think you understood my irony.

Like how I realized that unlike you, I actually do get sleep. Not all I should, not as great as I want. But, more than you!

I won’t put all of my energy into the past, but there are stories in this heartbreak, so I’m going to write them.