I have burned most of the sentimental hogwash from my marriage. So, I was momentarily surprised when I found a stack of cards the other day. I had forgotten that during the end of our marriage, Gary would give me these cards.

Thinking about you
I know things are crappy right now
Hey Just Checking in

And one of my favorites:

May you feel lifted by all the love holding you up during this difficult time.

I laughed looking at the cards. It’s funny, or ironic maybe that he started and ended our relationship with greeting cards. I read them quickly before throwing them in the trash. He had written apologies for hurting my feelings, told me I was right – he didn’t fully understand the betrayal yet, and thanked me for hugs.

Not sure why I was still giving him hugs, but you do the best you can, I guess.

I laughed when the final divorce bill fell out of the stack of cards and felt so proud of my indifference. I thought, “Look at me! Laughing at these cards, this paperwork. I’m doing so well.”

A little bit later I dropped my kids off at Gary’s house. He had invited them to a campfire. I saw a grill in his backyard.

“He never wanted to do our campfires, never cared about the grill,” I thought to myself as I watched my kids walk into his backyard, noticing how odd it is to drop your children off at their dad’s house.

I cried the whole way home.

I guess I’m not doing so well.

I’m working towards indifference. It has its ups and downs.