Worried about becoming a deadbeat dad? This might shock you, but it is actually under your control!

1. You can avoid being a deadbeat dad completely if you start with step one: Don’t have an affair with your children’s teacher. Prioritizing your own sexual impulses over the emotional safety of your kids is a big no-no.

If you accidentally do have the affair, and end up leaving your family, refer to steps 2-5 below.

2. Make seeing your children a priority. For sure spend time with them when they are supposed to be with you, but think of other times you might be there for them.

3. Find a living situation where your children can feel at home with you. Ocasional visitors can sleep on a couch, but your kids should, I don’t know, have a bedroom.

4. Pay for the things you are supposed to pay for. This includes but is not limited to: Child Support, half of medical bills, half of college bills, half of activity fees.

5. Don’t set a timer that goes off when your children turn 18. 18 is not a signal that a person is done and doesn’t need a parent anymore.

There are a lot of complex things about being a parent. But if you follow these 5 easy steps, you will be well on your way to avoiding being a deadbeat dad (AKA an asshole).