Category: after
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Forgiveness
Tell me again about forgiveness – how to let gowithoutyou know,blessing it all. Would it stop the ruminatingget me back towards indifference(I’d even go back to hating)and does it have to be true or can itbefake ittil youmake itforgiveness? Tell me how to knowif it is for meor for this new annoying enemy –my returning…
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A Story
I need to tell this story. Either as a message to myself 5 years ago, whispering, “You are right. You are right,” or as a warning to my future self — a foreshadowing of the recurring manipulation, a motif of “You can’t make this shit up.” Already my recollection is fuzzy. So, perhaps I need…
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Is this a dam?
Close your eyes. I have built a wallyou can’t see iteven I can’t see itShit.I’m glad I wrote and wrote and wrote beforethe memories leftI don’t remember any moreI guess this is the middle of the healingjourneyodd place to be,wondering if it’s the eye of the stormbut nobody warned meso I don’t know if I…
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It’s just 5 years
I want you to know I’ve been quiet because I am busy. Lest you think I’m over it all. Or like, healed. It’s just — I don’t have time really to think about it. Or you. Much. That’s what grief does, right? Ebbs with time? Or is it flows?Today I saw a post: it’s been…
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I don’t think it’s called healing
Years ago someone taught me a writing lessonnot to use ing verbsor I guess it was a lesson for how to writewithout spitting out too many gerunds and present participles Why write I am not crying while I am lookingat these old picturesbut I don’t think it’s healing When I could write I don’t crywhen…
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Indifference
I have burned most of the sentimental hogwash from my marriage. So, I was momentarily surprised when I found a stack of cards the other day. I had forgotten that during the end of our marriage, Gary would give me these cards. Thinking about youI know things are crappy right nowHey Just Checking in And…
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Grief is Weird.
This sort of grief is weird. Maybe all grief is weird. I mostly remember the asshole you.It’s the you I knew last, most recently. Now, it’s the only you —Which must mean you only know the bitch me. See? Weird. Grief is weird. Recently,Our daughter put you on speakeraccidentally, and I heard the youhow you…
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Dry Erase Memories
Today I grabbed an old plastic file boxand noticed you had written MEMORIESin red permanent inkI’ll always recognizeyour all capitals your handwritingused to write LOVE ALWAYSI tried to wipe off all the MEMORIESwith a Clorox wipeironic, I thoughtI’m literally trying to wipe away the MEMORIESyour handwriting of any wordtriggeringbut MEMORIESis taking it too farThankfully the…
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You Snake. . .
One night I had a dream. I was killing a venomous snake. It was odd because the snake had kept appearing but only as half its original form, and so on. Finally I had enough, I guess, and I trapped the snake in a large plastic ziplock. It hissed and spit at me in the…
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Decades to Lettered Lists
I have a new name for my book. I’ll call it From Decades to Lettered Lists Unfortunately it’s a warningA Caution(Don’t get married, girls!)It’s a short story, yesit just takes many decadesto go from soulmates in loveto people who text directions, money and anger How do you go froma family with 2 cats and a…
Slices of Betrayal 