There was a time where I was planning to write a book based on our love story. I wonder if I had gone through all the old letters then if I would have picked up on this now obvious fact. You were an asshole to begin with!
I mean, I’m gonna try to forgive myself for not seeing it. I was 14 when we fell in love. I ignored and explained away a lot.
Like in this note I just found from you. You wrote it in 1993. You wrote:
“I don’t have to tell you again how this upset me. You should know me by now: I’m the guy who wants to commit suicide because you saw me hiding behind the bush …. Please re-learn all those things that hurt me … No, Don’t learn it. Just memorize the category of things that make me this way … When you think about it, it’s easy to see.
Even now I find myself thinking “maybe that wasn’t so bad.”
But when you read the note you’ll see that what you were so mad about was that I tried to figure out all the hidden ambigrams in a love letter you sent me.
You were an asshole to begin with.
You’d think that would make me not miss you.
2 responses to “Asshole”
Wow. My dear friend. I’m right here beside you.
It sucks to lose these past stories sometimes…. Having them altered by what we know now.
I keep thinking “and yet all that time, her own heart was so very full of love.” It’s one of my favorite things about you.
OMG! I think the fact that you loved him and the family you two made together speaks to your character. The fact he was/is an asshole speaks to his…
I still have a few (2? 3?) letters. The last time I read one you could hear me shouting at the page, at the lies I didn’t see then and do now. Darn it.