Sometime in the hazy, fuzzy time of mid-divorce, I played music on the Alexa I put in the kitchen.

One morning you came down, and one of Adele’s new songs was playing. Remember?

There was something about the music.

I wonder. Was that our last hug? The one where Adele was singing and you were crying and then I was crying. I remember thinking I was so tired of your crying.

When I search the past for the last real thing, this is what I land on, every time – even though it was after so much trauma and betrayal. I think that was when the last sliver of who you used to be said goodbye.

Was that it? The last hug? It certainly lasted a whole song. It must have meant something.

I just wish I could remember what the damn song was.

I want to call you and ask if you remember the song.
But of course, I won’t. I mean, we don’t talk. And honestly you probably don’t remember the song or even the hug anyway. You said goodbye to your old self too, remember. It would be disappointing to know for sure that this memory means nothing.

So instead of asking you, I play Adele’s whole album to try to remember.

It could have been any of the songs.

I’ll never know.
But I guess it was nice to say goodbye.

Strangers by Nature
Go easy on me
I know you feel lost, it’s my fault completely, tell me you love me
Cry your heart out
Oh my God
I know it’s wrong but I want to have fun
I have promised I will love you till the end of time
Through it all, the good, the bad, the ugly, and divine
How can one become so bounded
By choices that somebody else makes?
How come we’ve both become a version
Of a person we don’t even like?
Don’t leave me on this stretch alone
You’re driving me away
Give me a reason to stay
Hold on
You are still strong
To Be Loved
I built a house for a love to grow
I was so young that it was hard to know
I’m as lost now as I was back then
All your expectations of my love are impossible
Love is A Game