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A complex story deserves a complex story

  • Out of Tampons
    Out of tampons10/31/2020 I think you know it might not be worth it. When blood is pooling on your last padas you do the dishesdoubled over cramped,blood dripping down your […]
  • 30,000 steps a day
    I’m worried about you you need to maybe go to therapyThe dog walk is my therapyOk. Go on a dog walk 1 hour2 hours3 hours “Where’s daddy? Call him. I’m […]
  • I’m on my way home
    Sometimes when I stopped home in the middle of the day, I’d call my husband to let him know I was running in to get whatever I forgot. I think […]
  • That was easy.
    I had had enough. I decided to drive to Heather’s house one evening – way early to pick up my daughter, with just enough time for a chat. “I guess […]
  • Georgia On My Mind
    March, 2020 In Georgia there was a hot tub and 2 fireplaces. In Georgia there was a hike to a waterfall. In Georgia I thought we were a family. In […]
  • Facetime
    I was at the dining room table, that I remember. FaceTime rang, and I answered. It was Heather. She looked confused. She hung up. She FaceTimed again, and maybe a […]
  • Remember Easter?
    Do you remember Easter time, a few years ago? When they found a suspicious nodule in my thyroid, and for a few weeks, the worry of cancer was passed around […]
  • Too Big
    In high school, I wrote about him for an English assignment. After years of being bullied, and called out for being fat, I was somehow able to believe him when […]
  • The Fence
    When I take the dog for a walk, I almost always pass the fenced off dry stream down the street. I hardly ever used to notice it. But now I […]
  • Where did you learn that from?
    My memory is fuzzy – way too fuzzy. Like, what happened when? At some point in the last few years, I started joking, “Where did you learn that from?” every […]
  • Red-Flag Shoes
    Wingtip “I would be livid if some other woman sent my husband a gift like that.” That’s what my friends said, when I mentioned to any of them that Heather […]
  • Frozen
    January 2020 December was rough. But I was trying to understand your friendship with Heather. I was trying to build a friendship as well. So, I agreed when she invited […]
  • The Wrong Band
    February 2020. It must have been February because it was before the world shut down. I parked in my kids’ school parking lot and listened to Tori Amos sing The […]
  • My Couch
    I need to tell you that I love my couch. It’s a huge sectional, deep red, covered with colorful blankets my mom crocheted. When we were dating, my husband drew […]
  • Heather’s Couch
    Early, 2020 Heather wanted my boys to watch The Mandalorian at her place. We didn’t have Disney +, and she thought it would be fun to have the families get […]
  • Damnit
    I had to drive by the back of the mall today on my way to get my new driver’s license. The back of the mall is where I told Heather […]
  • I know how the story ends
    It was a cold winter night where we walked, and walked, and you cried. I remember your face, the piece of tissue I handed you. You didn’t want to tell […]
  • Galentine’s Day
    February 2020 February 2020 was the last time I thought I had a Valentine. That weekend, I traveled with friends to a conference in Atlantic City, laughing that my husband […]
  • The Day Therapy Ended
    I listened to you as you told me about your year-long affair with Heather. I believed you when you said you were sorry, that I was the only one for […]
  • You can have your husband back soon.
    During the spring, summer and fall of 2020, my husband was doing a lot of free work for Heather’s company. He was making videos for a fundraiser, helping to create […]
  • The Ocean
    1994ish I’ve always loved the ocean. One summer, I must have been 16, we had a family trip to the beach. Somehow I was allowed to drive about an hour […]
  • Coffee Maker
    I scroll through pictures you’ve texted me, hoping to find something that can spark writing about the betrayal. Instead, I find the other side of the betrayal. Betrayal doesn’t hurt […]
  • Really real?
    Sometimes things don’t feel like they could possibly be real. Did Heather really invite my husband over, promising him that their mutual friend, Kitty “loved him? Did he race over […]
  • Leggings in my Laundry
    I found Heather’s leggings in a basket of random laundry the other day. I remember when she brought them over to you in a little bag. Slipped the bag on […]
  • Sliver
    I have a brilliant friendwho says to me, “Someday we will sit down with a drink and tissues you can tell me all the good things about him.” She says, […]
  • A voicemail from July
    Summer 2020 There’s a voicemail from July. I still have it on my phone. “It’s 8:06 PM. I stopped at Dunkin… so, it made me a little late. I’ll be […]
  • Porch Chats
    July 2020 I had some sort of cold in July. My daughter had outside evening rehearsals, and my husband always volunteered to go pick her up. He’d leave me with […]
  • Porch Coffee
    It’s 2020 My friend died this June. Every morning, I drink my coffee on the porch and I look for her in the bunnies, birds, and rainbows. Gary* made the […]
  • Photo Booth
    Three pictures in a row We both look at the camera, smileYou kiss my cheekI kiss yours Your hand is on my chinThe curtain behind us is redOur hair flows […]
  • The Gold Standard
    It was pajama day on Wednesday, and I joked that my regular clothes were pretty close to pajamas anyway. “My real pajamas are torn yoga pants I used to wear […]
  • Where’s my t-shirt?
    Where’s my T-shirt? It would say:“I survived counseling my ex through his recent breakupas he talked about ‘finally understanding betrayal’”as if 4 months could compare to 30 years Where’s my […]
  • eye crinkle
    You’re on my porch You’ve forgotten who I am(or was) It was my mistaketo let you on my porchI forgot who you are I forget who you were I close […]
  • Fatherhood Red Flag
    In November of 2020, Heather decided to get a divorce. Things just weren’t “working out in her marriage.” I didn’t know at the time that the long range plan was […]
  • A Rainbow Bra
    When I was 16 I had a rainbow bra.It was Lacy. A lacy rainbow bra. Sounds tackyracymaybe it was. But it was also sexy and fun and I loved it. […]
  • 5 AM
    You’re an asshole. But I still woke up at 5 AMmissing the nook of your armthe scar on your thumbyour warm foot across the bed It’s nice to remember when […]
  • Confessions
    I confess, I got so mad listening to my husband of two decades profess his love for his mistress for days and weeks… that one day, I tried to claw […]
  • Impact
    You’re movingAcross the country In the movie version of this story, I think I’d proclaim, “I may have lost my husband, but you lost your whole town!” But it’s real […]
  • 31 years
    31 years is a lot of years to regret –it was more fun when I got to celebrateknowing you so long. Strange how I used to feel luckyand now I […]
    This is unwritableSeeing him with herwalkingsmilingdrinkingherein my placein my placehere I start thinking about how my grandma always wanted to go dancing but my grandfather never would. Then my grandma […]
  • Deleted
    That’s smart how you deleted all the pictures of us from your FacebookI bet it felt goodNow you don’t have Memories that hit you in the face randomly — date […]
  • I Need a Tissue, and Other Mysterious Codes
    When we first fell in love, we used to have a code for “I love you.” You know, so our parents (okay, my parents) wouldn’t hear us (okay, me) on […]
  • 3×3 Post-it note
    I was cleaning out a drawer today and found a 3×3 post-it note I had written when I was so scared you were going to leave me. My heart broke […]
  • I wish I could sing
    I wish I could singNot because you can sing, love to sing, re-found yourself on stageRemember how you always used to try to harmonize with me and it would totally […]
  • 1993
    You gave me this zebra cardMade a joke about “ze-bra”Said “Love Forever”I mean, I was almost 16, so of course I believed you It’s hard to let go, harder than […]
  • 1997
    1997The last year we lived apartI mean, until this year – duhYou made me artArt. I pulled a picture you drew of me out of a box last night. I […]
  • Alone Time
    I make vegan nachos—On the mini stone Pour myself a glass of wine I think I coveted this When my babies were babiesWhenWherever I was, others were there tooAt home, […]
  • An Ironic Kiss in the Woods
    I just remembered that time I cheated on you. You know when I kissed Robin’s boyfriend in the woods? I told you. I know I told you. Didn’t I? Robin […]
  • How are you?
    I bump into my daughter’s old friend’s mom at WegmansShe asks meHow are you?How are the kids? How are you?How are the kids?An old friend asks me at a barWe […]
  • Thanksgiving Anger
    Maybe I can just chill out, I think. I mean, love is love. You ended up not loving me. You broke my heart but that doesn’t make you a villain. […]
  • Something to burn
    I grabbed a few sheets of paper from the basement to burn.I just really wanted something to burn. I had forgotten about that weird time you forced us to not […]
  • Writing for Revenge
    My wordsfeed the wrong wolfthey aren’t kindI’m not on thehighroad I’m writing for revenge I use my storiesas a knifeor at least a finger flickto your chestflick flick flick flick […]
  • First Wife
    I didn’t want to be yourfirst wife practice wifeA life-long lovedisposed ofin a blur ofbetrayalI was unable tolabel until it was fatal Our texts used to befunny, HoneyNow they’re just […]
  • What’s best for the kids
    I guess I’m supposed to let it go. You betrayed all of us, had an intimate, year long affair with our children’s teacher, our daughter’s friend’s mom, our sons mentor’s […]
  • Bracelets on my mind
    As a kid, I made embroidery floss friendship bracelets, collected jelly bracelets, and bought sailor knot bracelets at the beach. Friendship bracelets wore down slowly, jelly bracelets grew exponentially, and […]
  • You missed it
    You missed the best snow day ever. Your children were full of smiles, relaxing and building legos. Your youngest son made everyone hot cocoa. Your daughter and her boyfriend went […]
  • What would I say to you?
    If I had a magic phone, I’d call you —The you from beforeRemember him?He was kindand safeand good I’d say Hey. You’d say Hi Peach I’d tell you the end […]
  • Pictures & Puzzles
    You used to draw me pictures all the time. Some of them were amazing portraits, or very detailed comics. Some were just silly jokes. They were on paper, cards, napkins, […]
  • Remember?
    Remember when the kids were little and they went to bed, like at a bed time? Sometimes you’d sneak out to the video store and get us a movie, stop […]
  • Asshole
    There was a time where I was planning to write a book based on our love story. I wonder if I had gone through all the old letters then if […]
  • Until she’s 18: A prophesy
    Once I stood in our kitchenheld our baby daughterdid our dishesfuming You didn’t helpweren’t a partnerweren’t a parentfrustrating I thought to myselfvery clearlystick it out until she’s 18 beforedivorcing You […]
  • The Past
    I’ve been doing some reading, and I know. I know I’m not supposed to put my energy in the past. I need my energy for now and tomorrow and tomorrow’s […]
  • Our Score
    I cried a littlewhen I put away the scrabble board the other day and found tucked in a paper with our score. You won, you always did. Do you ever […]